*heart*

As I comfortably sit on my living-room floor and watch The Wire with M, I feel so grateful to be a healthy person.

I recently had a little health scare involving my heart, which was pretty overwhelming emotionally speaking. I am the type of person who has an extremely over-active imagination, so I tend towards the dramatics where my health is concerned. And also towards the negative..... but maybe that's everyone.

So a few years back when I was having some minor issues with my skin, I worked myself up to the point where I was pretty much convinced it was skin cancer. Which it turned out to not be....

When my tooth started to hurt a few months ago, I immediately thought it was serious cavities, like serious.... probably because I hadn't been to the dentist in forever. And then the pain went away, and hasn't returned.

So when I started having these issues with my heart, I immediately thought the worst.

Congestive heart failure, strokes, heart attacks, thrombosis (brought on by excessive Wed MD-ing). I am a chronic self-diagnosiser (which is not a word). I have a hard time refraining myself from googling health related things and then 'surprise!' finding that I have the same symptoms. Its chronic.

Anyways, I ended up in the ER. And thats all that I am going to say about that.

And then, through my doctor, ended up at a Cardiologist. Which was where I was today, finishing up a series of tests, checking out my heart, making sure things are ok.

Which they are.

Which is a huge deep sigh of relief for me (and M as well). Which means that I will make it to V's first birthday (yes, that is where my over-active mind took me).

Picking up my sweet little boy early from daycare, and holding him close with his little plump hands trailing over my face and neck I felt so blessed. And so in love. And so blessed again that my heart is strong and can handle this huge amount of love that I feel for my perfect little man.

And then blessed for the third time that despite my hyper-active imagination, my anxiety, my chronic stress issues, my inability to ask for any help at all with anything and problems with sitting down and actually relaxing, I have managed to survive 8 months of motherhood and the 3 of us are still alive.

And M and I sit love each other. A lot.

And so, I have turned over a new health-related leaf. Vitamins, huge amounts of water, low sodium, no caffeine at all, no chocolate (if I can help it), as little processed sugar as I can help it.

As I am already seeing the positive benefits of all of these changes, I just feel more motivated to continue. And everytime I see darling V, my drive and determination increases. So again, I feel grateful to be a healthy person. Grateful for M and V and for The Wire.......